God as a Computer Programmer

Many important theological questions are answered if we think
Of God as a Computer Programmer:

Q: Does God control everything that
happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger,
but it's tedious to step through
all those variables.


Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in
one of the earlier versions.

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automati-
Cally and he logs on from home to try to bring it up.
Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.

Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and
Candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out
His girlfriend had left him.

Q: How come the Age of Miracles has ended?
A: That was the development phase of the
Project, now we are in the maintenance
Phase.

Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is a MIS director who takes credit
For more powers than he actually possesses
So people who aren't programmers are scared
Of him. God thinks of him as irritating but
Irrelevant.

Q: What is the role of sinners?
A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to mess
Up the system when God has made it idiot-proof.

Q: Where will I go after I die?
A: Onto a DAT tape.


Q: Will I be reincarnated?


A: Not unless there is a special need to
recreate you. And searching those tar
files is a major hassle, so if there is
a request for you, God will just say
that the tape has been lost.


Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites
Running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but
Then the users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless
Stuff onto it and now everything is more complicated and
Expensive than ever.

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what
To do, or you can just get off his back
And let him program.


Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and
Disadvantages, so just pick the one
That best suits your needs and don't
Let anyone put you down.


Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and
Don't make it a name, a common word,
Or a date like your birthday.

Q: Some people claim they hear the voice
Of God. Is this true?
A: They are much more likely to receive e-mail.

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