Joke Train

1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after

Every 10 sec a

woman gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.


2 Sardar-why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r

others running?


3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence

into future tense.

Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".


4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was

not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary

Expected".

After much thought he wrote: Yes!


5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant

it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an

umbrella and go.


6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer

gave 11cr after

deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else

return my 20 Rs

back.


7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet

Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have

posted it....


8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died

peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the

passengers in the

car he was driving..


9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible

looking thing is

what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?

Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.


11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local

sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still

digging for more..


12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not

in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".


13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?


14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles

and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or

troubles.

Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.


15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to

give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.


16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if

my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,

"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"


17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."


18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..

My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said

another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."


19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.

Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"


20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"

It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".


21 What is a girl friend?

Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.


22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest

waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20

supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.

Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara

Falls?"




23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"


24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,

"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"


25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

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