22 April, 2009

Classic military Jokes

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and
civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control
tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an
aircraft asking, 'What time is it?'

The tower responded, 'Who is calling?'

The aircraft replied, 'What difference does it make?'

The tower replied, 'It makes a lot of difference.. . If it is a
commercial flight, it is 3 o'clock . If it is an Air Force plane, it
is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an
Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the
3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120
minutes to 'Happy Hour.'

____________ _________ _________ __

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a
muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a
red-faced colonel at the wheel.
'Your jeep stuck, Sir?' asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
'Nope,' replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. 'Yours is.'

____________ _________ _________ __

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new Colonel was
sitting at his desk when an Airman knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the Colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the Airman to enter, then said into the phone, 'Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, Sir.'
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, 'What do you want?'
'Nothing important, Sir,' the airman replied, 'I'm just here to hook up your telephone.'

____________ _________ _________ __

Officer: 'Soldier, do you have change for a Dollar?'
Soldier: 'Sure, Buddy.'
Officer: 'That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!
Do you have change for a Dollar?'
Soldier: 'No, SIR!'

____________ _________ _________ __

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

____________ _________ _________ __

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the
barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves,
when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, 'Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will
think I've been in a whorehouse!'
The Chief turned to his barber and said, 'Go ahead and put it on. My
wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.'

____________ _________ _________ __

'Well', snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, 'I
suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting
for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave.'

'Not me, Chief!' the Seaman replied. 'Once I get out of the Navy, I'm
never going to stand in line again!'

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